Motherhood. The good, the bad and the eye bags

It’s 3am and the house is quiet. Everyone’s asleep (or trying to sleep) all except for me and Dylan. It’s the 5th time I’ve had to get up with him since I went to bed at 10pm. I’m not sure what’s unsettling him. I don’t know whether he’s teething, he’s feeling unwell or whether he just wants some company.

What I do know is that I’m the only one at this hour that can comfort him.

As he lays there on my chest, his head rested on my shoulder he instantly relaxes. Whatever was bothering him seems to bother him no longer so long as he’s in my arms. When I think he’s drifted off to sleep I try to gently lay him back in his cot only for him to cry again. It really is exhausting. I never had sleeping issues with my daughter. She was always such a good little sleeper and even now she sleeps 7:30pm-7:30am. I wrote in a post a couple of weeks ago (Dylan – You are 17 months old) that, after 17 long months of wakeful nights, you had finally cracked the sleeping through bit. Well that post came back to bite me on the arse because he’s not slept through since!

What is it about little ones needing you? It’s a mothering battle that I will never win. On one hand I’m at the end of my tether, praying that tonight will be the night he sleeps through and on the other hand I feel an overwhelming sense of love and softness when it’s the still of the night and it’s only us two. Nestled in each other, not making a sound and just enjoying the quiet cuddles. It’s like our own special club. I feel like I’m needed and that I serve a purpose. I remind myself that these moments, however exhausting they are, won’t last forever.

The days without sleep are hard. My patience is short, my energy levels are zapped and I have bags under my eyes big enough to carry the weekly shop in.

But you just cope don’t you?

You do whatever you can to survive and get through the day and do it all again the next night. Because that’s what motherhood, or parenthood, is. It’s surviving. It’s about winging it at every opportunity. You pray to the big man upstairs that tonight will be the night that you get more than a 2 hour stretch of sleep before you have to get up again and when you hear those faint little cry’s (that soon turn it to extra loud wails if your not quick enough!) your heart sinks a little bit. But as soon as you realise that those cry’s were for you and your touch, every little irritated and exhausted feeling goes straight out of the window. That’s motherhood. It’s the good, the bad and the eye bags all rolled in to one and do you know what? I wouldn’t have it any other way! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

11 Comments

  1. Tubbs 8th March 2017 / 16:11

    Ah, this is lovely. There is something about sitting there with them in the middle of the night, in the dark … It’s lovely and completely frustrating at the same time. Because.Sleep

  2. Claire 9th March 2017 / 08:15

    Our youngest is definitely a very different sleeper to our eldest, which can be frustrating. I love your way of looking at it though, that those cries are for you. That really does make it seem better 🙂 xx #coolmumclub

  3. justsayingmum 9th March 2017 / 09:24

    Oh this is so lovely. I remember these days so well when you struggle to wake in the night but once you are holding them all those feelings of grumpiness dissipate – that really is the magic of motherhood isn’t it? #ablogginggoodtime

  4. Bridie By The Sea 9th March 2017 / 09:36

    Oh I needed to read this today. My daughter is almost two years old and we are battling through the sleep deprivation still, I’m pretty much broken! It’s so hard some days but you’re right, you have to just remember that this won’t last forever and they won’t be small forever either. Beautiful post, thank you for sharing xx #ablogginggoodtime

  5. MMT 9th March 2017 / 20:18

    You have such a wonderfully warm and maternal way of describing the sleepless nights Collette! I’m not sure I can find any positives in the sleep deprivation any more! Our daughter is two and a half and still very rocky on the sleep front. You are right though, we weather the storms for these kiddies and it’s all in the name of love.
    Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub, love the title of this post by the way! x

    • Collette 14th March 2017 / 07:10

      Ah thankyou! It appears I’m not the only one who suffers sleep deprivation. At 3am you genuinely think you are the only person going through it don’t you!? Thanks for reading xx

  6. Catie: An imperfect mum 9th March 2017 / 21:26

    What a beautifully written and extremely loving post! I loved this and remember those feelings very well. Thank you for sharing with us as #ablogginggoodtime

    • Collette 14th March 2017 / 07:08

      Thankyou so much, that’s really kind! Thanks for reading xx

  7. Lisa (mummascribbles) 11th March 2017 / 20:46

    Oh my goodness, this almost made me cry. This is so beautiful and so bloody true. Oscar is co-sleeping with us, waking for several night feeds. When I wake up in think, oh not again, and the he rolls over, nestles into my boob and I instantly feel calm, instantly feel this burst of love that makes my heart feel like it’s going to explode. It’s a beautiful time and it will not last. But while it’s here? I’ll make the most of it. Thanks for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday

    • Collette 14th March 2017 / 07:08

      It’s so bittersweet isn’t it? You feel annoyed and soothed at the same time it’s a strange feeling. Thanks so much for reading xx

  8. Susie at This Is Me Now 13th March 2017 / 17:20

    Ouch 17 months is a long time to be sleep deprived! But I used to love the quiet feeding snuggles with my newborn. It’s true you have to try and take those moments in, they won’t last forever. xx #TwinklyTuesday

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