Motherhood. The good, the bad and the eye bags

It’s 3am and the house is quiet. Everyone’s asleep (or trying to sleep) all except for me and Dylan. It’s the 5th time I’ve had to get up with him since I went to bed at 10pm. I’m not sure what’s unsettling him. I don’t know whether he’s teething, he’s feeling unwell or whether he just wants some company.

What I do know is that I’m the only one at this hour that can comfort him.

As he lays there on my chest, his head rested on my shoulder he instantly relaxes. Whatever was bothering him seems to bother him no longer so long as he’s in my arms. When I think he’s drifted off to sleep I try to gently lay him back in his cot only for him to cry again. It really is exhausting. I never had sleeping issues with my daughter. She was always such a good little sleeper and even now she sleeps 7:30pm-7:30am. I wrote in a post a couple of weeks ago (Dylan – You are 17 months old) that, after 17 long months of wakeful nights, you had finally cracked the sleeping through bit. Well that post came back to bite me on the arse because he’s not slept through since!

What is it about little ones needing you? It’s a mothering battle that I will never win. On one hand I’m at the end of my tether, praying that tonight will be the night he sleeps through and on the other hand I feel an overwhelming sense of love and softness when it’s the still of the night and it’s only us two. Nestled in each other, not making a sound and just enjoying the quiet cuddles. It’s like our own special club. I feel like I’m needed and that I serve a purpose. I remind myself that these moments, however exhausting they are, won’t last forever.

The days without sleep are hard. My patience is short, my energy levels are zapped and I have bags under my eyes big enough to carry the weekly shop in.

But you just cope don’t you?

You do whatever you can to survive and get through the day and do it all again the next night. Because that’s what motherhood, or parenthood, is. It’s surviving. It’s about winging it at every opportunity. You pray to the big man upstairs that tonight will be the night that you get more than a 2 hour stretch of sleep before you have to get up again and when you hear those faint little cry’s (that soon turn it to extra loud wails if your not quick enough!) your heart sinks a little bit. But as soon as you realise that those cry’s were for you and your touch, every little irritated and exhausted feeling goes straight out of the window. That’s motherhood. It’s the good, the bad and the eye bags all rolled in to one and do you know what? I wouldn’t have it any other way! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

D- You are 7 months old (A letter to my son)

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My darling boy, you are 7 months old today. That’s actually quite painful for me to write. How did you become 7 months old!? It has literally gone in a blink of an eye. I’ve tried to cherish everyday with you as I am aware of how fast the baby year goes but still I’m shocked on how fast it has gone. We’ve had such a good month my little man – lots has happened! You are sitting much better by yourself. You still need Daddy or me as support but you are going longer periods sat up alone. It wont be long before you have fully mastered it and won’t need me or Daddy at all.

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We are still having a few issues with weaning. You haven’t taken much food at all and would much prefer your milk! But unfortunately little one, you can not live of milk forever. You will not let me feed you pureed food at all and just clamp your mouth shut when I come near you with it and when I try you with finger foods you either just throw it on the floor or you make yourself sick. It’s not been a fun time as yet. You have been referred to a speech and language therapist to see if they can understand why you wont take any food but until they see you, I shall just keep trying. I’m sure you will get there with it in your own time just like everything else. Your personality is shining through much more this last month D. You are starting to show an interest in more objects and grabbing everything in sight. You become fustrated and grumble at things if you cannot reach it or it is taken away from you. Nothing is safe around you at the minute, especially your sisters toys. K is really enjoying your company at the minute, you are getting to a stage where she feels she can play with you a bit more and likes to play with her toys with you. Her favourite game is building tower blocks and watching you knock them down. That game is particularly entertaining for her at the minute. You continue to enjoy her company and the attention! You’re still not sleeping right through the night but your night time rountine has become much more tolerable now. You still go to bed at 7.30pm (usually a bit before) and sleep right through until 2-3am when you wake up for a feed. You then sleep right through till around 7am so I really can’t moan at that.  We read you stories before bedtime and you enjoy this alot. I think the mixture of the cuddles and the pictures on the books are faviourites with you but it is becoming a bit of a struggle to stop you from eating the book half way through! I love the mornings with you my gorgeous man, I love the smile on your face when I come to greet you and say good morning. You smell like warm sleepy baby and it’s just lovely. Sometimes when you wake up before I do I hear you singing to yourself in your cot and it really makes me smile. It’s better than any alarm clock! The weather is getting better so we are spending a little bit more time outdoors at the park. I can’t wait for the summer to come so we can spend even more time outside so you can explore your surroundings. We are starting to do a few more activities during the days now you are getting that little bit older. I have taken you to a couple of music classes which you seem to enjoy and I hope to start a sensory class real soon. Being around you is such a pleasure my little man. I can’t wait to see what the next month brings us!

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XOXOXO